6 Ways to Calm the Fuck Down

February 20, 2018

6 Ways to Calm the Fuck Down

 

By the time I have woken up and had my morning coffee I have normally panicked, tormented, berated, freaked out and outright spiraled into self-defeat. Charming, I know. Since I already know how my mind works, its goal to make me miserable before I'm even awake, I have found ways to calm the fuck down. These are some of my tips.

 

  1. Acknowledge that I have a crazy mind.

 

The first step to freedom is stepping out of denial. When I realized that I have a monkey mind that is looking for trouble, I immediately felt better. The simple act of realizing my fears and panic are not based in reality, was my first step to freedom. Now I sit back and observe my craziness and remind myself to calm the fuck down, nothing is happening.

 

  1. Take care of me.

 

I love the ritual of putting hydrogel eye patches on in the morning, it makes me feel refreshed while I drink my coffee and read my books and emails. If nothing else I am gonna look a lot let less stressed than I actually am.

 

  1. Grab a pet

 

I got two cats, I realize this makes me a cat lady, I am ok with this. These two little fluff balls bring me so much joy that it drowns out the sounds of people mocking me for not having a dog. I could write a book on why cats are better than dogs, but whatever floats your boat. Grab a cuddle buddy and give out as much love as you can.

 

  1. Socks

 

Remember in Forrest Gump when Lieutenant Dan tells Forrest to change his socks whenever they stop? Well, I agree with Lieutenant Dan, especially if the socks have hilarious pictures or interesting colors. Cozy, clean, comfortable feet can and will make you calm.

 

  1. Identify the Assholes

 

This is probably the most important tip of all, are you really stressed, depressed and crazy? OR are you just surrounded by people who are assholes? The first thing to do is remove those people from your life, this tip works especially well if you have people who constantly call you to suck out all of your happy goodness. The remora fish of friends, lose them. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remora

 

  1. Resort to Tina

 

90% of people report feeling much better when they played Tina Turner – “The Best” really loudly while driving down the road. Actually, I made that statistic up, but I can for sure say that 90% of the time it works every time.





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